The house in Malibu, CA was beautiful. Massive windows framed its magnificent view of the California coastline. It sat on a hill overlooking one of the most beautiful beaches in the country. It was valuable beyond price for most of us, the pride, I am sure, of the family living there. And it was doomed! Any moment it could easily slide from its perch, only to slip into the Pacific ocean; ruined and gone forever.
The problem? Its foundation. It was a bad foundation. What is built is only as sturdy and solid as the foundation it has been built on.
So when it comes to your marriage, what foundation have you built it upon? Great question, right? Some will say, "Well, of course we are building our marriage upon the foundation of Jesus". Even today I'm not quite sure what people mean when they answer the question that way. Do they mean they are building it upon church going? Or the bible? Or religious codes and rules? How, exactly do I build my marriage upon Jesus? Not that I think this is a bad answer, or a wrong answer. It's just that when I try to get to the bottom of what, exactly, that looks like, people usually default to "Well, we go to church as a couple or as a family and try to live good lives."
The problem is that, unfortunately, I know many who love Jesus with all their hearts and follow Him diligently and faithfully, yet live in an unhealthy, loveless and sometimes painful marriage. Tragically, many of these wonderful brothers and sisters in the Lord who labor through these difficult marriages choose to abandon the marriage convinced that "This is the only way out" and so file for divorce. "Crack" goes the foundation and "Swoosh" goes the house right off the cliff and into the sea.
Others answer the question of foundation by saying, "Well, of course we are building our marriage upon the foundation of our love for one another". And that's awesome, until one spouse doesn't feel that love. What happens then? What happens when the love we built our relationship on fades and hides its face. Think this through with me now. If our foundation was that burning love that compelled us in the days of our wedding, then there is only one thing to do when that love is gone. Move on. And that's what is happening more and more in the lives of professing Jesus followers today. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard these words, "Oh, I still love my spouse, I'm just not "in love" with my spouse", I would be a really wealthy guy!
So what is the foundation we can build upon every day? I believe it's the vow you spoke when you married. That's right, the vow (promise) that all your friends and family (Not to mention the Lord Himself!) heard you declare so boldly at your wedding.
Here's my promise to you, "If two people, at the same time, honor that vow every day of their lives, and return to it immediately should they ever stray from it, they will live a rich life together that glorifies the Lord and finish their race to the very end".
In fact, it could be accurately said that the bottom line reason marriages fail is because one, or both, fail to keep their vow. Now, I realize that there is a unique and often painful story behind each terminated marriage, but in the end, for a marriage to end, one or both must break their vow. Your marriage is your vow!
Tragically, so many young people (and the not-so-young as well) pay zero attention to the vows they exchange at the altar. Many work diligently for months to achieve their perfect wedding day. Perfect flowers. Perfect pictures. Perfect DJ with a perfect play list. Perfect dress. Perfect food. Perfect party gifts. Perfect announcements. Perfect center pieces. They scour through Pinterest and Instagram posts for hours looking for their "perfect". They consult months in advance with planners. They wring their hands at night stressing over every detail, not wanting to miss a thing. All the while they spend zero time or energy trying to understand the promise they are entering into. "To love, to honor and to cherish until death parts us"...that's the vow, and it's a whopper! In fact it is so big and vast that though we are in our 45th year of marriage, Shar and I are still seeking the Lord and asking for His help, that we might learn to keep it every day.
In future posts we'll be discussing exactly what this vow means and how we can keep it, but for now I just want us to be reminded how important "vow-keeping" is to the Lord. Take a look...
Num. 30:1-2
Then Moses spoke to the heads of the tribes concerning the children of Israel, saying, "This is the thing which the LORD has commanded:
If a man makes a vow to the LORD, or swears an oath to bind himself by some agreement, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.
Deut. 23:21-23
"When you make a vow to the LORD your God, you shall not delay to pay it; for the LORD your God will surely require it of you, and it would be sin to you.
But if you abstain from vowing, it shall not be sin to you.
That which has gone from your lips you shall keep and perform, for you voluntarily vowed to the LORD your God what you have promised with your mouth.
And Jesus gave us this shocking exhortation in Mt. 12:36, "I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” Which among us hasn't spoken a "careless word"? How thankful we are that salvation is by grace through faith, and that our sins are forgiven through Christ, right? That said, don't miss the gravity of Jesus' words; speaking careless words is a problem with God, period!
So, let's revisit our vow shall we? Let's take it seriously, as we should. Let's make that vow the foundation of how and why we build our marriages for God's glory. If we run to that vow every day, no matter what we feel or don't feel, no matter if we think our spouse deserves it or not, surely our homes will be rich in love and our marriages honoring to God.
Our next post will begin to break down our vow so we can actually understand what it was we were promising to each other; what it was we were telling our spouse they could expect from us every day.
Stay the course dear ones! Until then...
Ken and Shar
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