In our last post (I hope you read it!) We discussed the “foundation” of our marriages, and honestly, there is only one rock-solid, never-changing foundation upon which a marriage can be built. That’s the words you spoke on your wedding day, your VOW! Your emotions change, but the words you spoke and the promise you gave don’t change. Life’s conditions change, but the vow you entered and the declaration you made to “love, honor and cherish” are carved in the heavens. You declared it. You promised it. Everyone at your wedding heard it…God heard it. That vow is your solid foundation and everything you build upon it will stand as long as you each run to that promise every day and simply do what you said you would do!
Did you get that part? I said, “Do what you said you would do”!
Does that sound too simple? No, it’s not “too” simple, it’s just simple. If we as husbands and wives would just do what we said we would do; Oh what rich lives we would enjoy, and how the glory of God, who designed marriage by the way, would be revealed.
So here’s the BIG question; What is it we said we would do? And that brings us to the VOW we spoke in the presence of witnesses and God Himself. Let’s take a look at that vow shall we? Let me encourage you at this point, before we take a good look at our vow, stop here and do something really important. If you have an audio or video copy of your wedding, bust it out right now and listen to it, together. Be reminded of the wonderful promise you offered each other, and how committed you were to keeping it.
Did you do that? I hope so. Great, so here we go. Let’s drill down into that vow we gave, shall we?
Firstly, the vow is broken up into three components…
My behaviors.
The conditions.
The duration of time.
So let’s start with the behaviors. When you gave your wedding vow you essentially said, “Babe, you can count on me to behave toward you in a way that makes you feel loved, honored and cherished”. This part of your promise has to do with how you will behave with your spouse, and every time we fail to behave toward them in this way, we actually break our vow! Oh wow! Am I saying that “vow breaking” isn’t just “infidelity”? Absolutely, yes! If my promise to Shar was simply to say “I promise to never be with another person but you” that’s what I should have said. But I didn’t say that, did I? No, I (we) expanded our vow far beyond fidelity to include every behavior; my words, my actions, my body language, the way I manage time, the way I manage money, the way I resolve conflict, how I respond to her needs and desires. The bottom line is that we promise to behave in a way that causes our spouse to feel loved, honored and cherished, and if we didn’t mean it or didn’t intend to keep it, we shouldn’t have said it! But we did say it, and now it’s time to do what we said we would do.
Now, the second component of our vow has nothing to do with behaviors, but the “conditions” we attach to the promise of our behaviors. Regarding this, we really up the ante, don’t we? Not only do we make this huge vow that includes the behaviors of my life, but we then say, “For better for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health”. Are you kidding me? What were we thinking? The conditions are clear, and they mean “NO MATTER WHAT”! We actually promise our spouse that they can count on us to behave in a way that makes them feel loved, honored and cherished no matter what! Bad day at work? No excuse! Feeling emotionally out of gas? No excuse? Your spouse let you down? No excuse! Don’t feel like they are investing enough into you? No excuse!
This is important, so stay with me. We who made this vow to our precious spouse never have an excuse to make them feel unloved, disrespected or under-valued! Ever! Why? Because we promised that we would not, period! This is the covenant we entered when we married. It’s important to God and it should be important to us.
Now lastly, let’s talk about the third component, or term, of our vow. Time. We promised they could count on us to behave a certain way, no matter what, “until one of us goes to be with Jesus”. Not for a month, not for a few years, but for life! Though the world around us thinks this absurd, it is how God designed marriage to be and it is what we promise to one another (Gen. 2:24, Matt. 19:4-9).
Wow! What a promise we make. The truth is, Shar and I had no idea what we were saying forty five years ago when we gave each other this promise. Maybe you didn’t either. But today, by the work of the Holy Spirit, God has elevated this promise in our lives and made it personally crucial to us both. We’re praying He does the same in your heart today.
Let me finish with a couple of quick thoughts:
God has shown us this kind of covenant love through His Son, Jesus Christ. His love for you is everlasting, unchanging and unconditional (Deut. 7:9, 1 Jn. 3:1, Eph. 2:4-10, Eph. 5:25-27).
This powerful, covenant love has been shed abroad in the heart of every true disciple of Christ (Rom. 5:5). Why is that important to remember? Because that means it’s possible for you to love your spouse the way He has loved you. You can be a “vow-keeper”, you can do what you said you would do because it’s not in your own strength or fleshly abilities, but by the power of the indwelling Spirit. If you are a Christian, ask the Holy Spirit today to make you a “vow keeper”. Ask the Spirit of God to enable you to actually do what you said you would do.
As important as our vows have become to Shar and I, as much as we truly yearn to be “vow-keepers” every day, we fail. Sometimes in a colossal way! But dear ones, never give up. Every day, run back to that vow. Remember it, and ask the Lord daily to aid you in keeping it. The vow you made is as much about you and the Lord as it is about you and your spouse.
Next time we’ll be exploring what it means to love, to honor and to cherish. Some days I’m not too sure what it is that makes Shar feel loved, or cherished. Think about it; do you know what causes your husband to feel valuable, or respected? Do you know what makes your wife feel loved or important to you? It should be fun! See you then.
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